Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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