i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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