Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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