yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
