I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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