ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
