I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
