i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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