Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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