turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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