Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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