I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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