once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
