im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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