my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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