She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
