If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
