And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
