so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize