Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
