ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
