Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
