I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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