My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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