girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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