He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
