The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
