I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
