he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
