Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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