they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
