I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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