if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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