I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
