hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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