Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
