i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
