he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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