**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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