Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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