I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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