I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
