i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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