Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
