whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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