I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
