Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
bring money and cleavage
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
