Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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