Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
