it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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