your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
