The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
