If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
