On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
